whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My ass is underappreciated
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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