No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
