super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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