Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
