my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
