i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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