did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
