So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
True strength comes from lack of pants
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
