I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
