OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
