Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
