Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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