never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
