She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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