Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
