someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
