Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
