listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
