Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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