hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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