Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
