today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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