Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
