Ambien. No doubt about it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think my moral compass just broke
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
