The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
