Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
