There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
