Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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