rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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