I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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