I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
