Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
