If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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