mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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