I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
