I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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