I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
