If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
