Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
