i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
