that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
