There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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