My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize