garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
