you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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