ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
