I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
