i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
