the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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