2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
