we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize