Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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