The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize