I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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