god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
false alarm, still single
Randomize
