I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
