Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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