Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize