never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
