He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
