If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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