This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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