All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
