hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish i was in the wii world.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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