I love black thongs
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
